*NOTES*

 Sessha- ‘This unworthy one.’ Kenshin uses it to refer to himself.

Kami- ‘God’

Hiten Mitsurugi- Kenshin's sword style

***This story is in no way based upon the movie of the same name which made me cry unbashedly on the couch.

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“Hiten Mitsurugi. Kenshin Himura!”

     Sessha detests having to speak these words. Not that sessha dislikes defending himself when necessary, but because someone is being so thick-headed that sessha has to. Someone finds out who sessha is, what he stood for, and then must fight. And sessha couldn’t talk them out of it. So we both get bruised and bloodied until sessha’s opponent has had enough.

     Then the doctor is called. And sometimes, just for it to begin again.  

     There are times when sessha curses himself for his actions. Not just the every day atonement, but times when sessha truly feels damned. As if there is no action sessha can perform that will atone for the killing the Battosai is responsible for.

     Sessha is not stupid. He knows how Kaoru-dono feels for him, he does. How she wishes he felt for her. Sessha can’t deny he does care for her, but Kaoru-dono must find another to care for. Sessha cannot be with her. She has only seen the Rurouni, and does not know what lies within him. She almost had a glimpse, but she herself stopped that before it happened. And she does not know the phantom that still haunts him, that she doesn’t.

     Sessha thinks maybe it is time for him to move on. Maybe if sessha left, Kaoru-dono’s thoughts could drift to another. Sano, maybe. He could care for her as she deserves. But she wouldn’t even consider it while sessha is here, that she wouldn’t. How long can sessha keep her away? How much more will she take?

     “I must go now, before it is too late, he must.” Sessha stands.

     “Might I ask where?” Sano. Where did he come from? Sessha must have been deeper in thought than he thought.

“Ah, just to the market…” Sessha doubts Sano believes him.

“I’ve been standin’ next to ya for awhile now. Didn’t hear Kaoru ask you to go get anything.”

“It’s… sessha’s own errand.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“Then you won’t mind me tagging along.”

Sessha is sure he sweat-dropped. But Sessha can lose Sano in a crowd. “Of course, if you would like.”

Sano walks with Sessha in silence. We reach the market, and Sessha pretends to look for whatever it was he was supposed to be looking for. After a while, Sessha knows Sano is on to him, that he does.

“Do you really think you can get away with this?” he asks sessha.

 “Get away with what?”

“You know what. And you’re /not/ going to lose me.”

Sessha sighs and finds a cool corner to sit in with Sano. “Why do you not wish Sessha to leave?”

“Cuz you’re my friend, Kenshin. I thought you had finally found some roots here.”

“Sessha has. But Sessha also wishes to leave, that he does.”

“Why?”

“Kaoru-dono. Sessha knows she cares quite deeply for him.”

“And the problem is?”

“Sessha cannot return her affection.”

“So you’re running away.”

“Sessha is letting Kaoru-dono have a life without him again. It would be easier on her than to just keep hoping.”

“So you’re running away.”

“What would /you/ do, then?”

“Court her. Marry her. Maybe none of the above. But I wouldn’t leave her.”

“It is painful for Sessha to see the hope and love in her eyes whenever she looks at him, it is.”

“So talk to her. Don’t run. That would hurt her most of all.” He pauses. “Besides, you don’t want to run out on Yahiko and me too, do ya?”

“Sessha doesn’t /want/ to leave at all. But he feels as if he should, that he does.”

“Well, he shouldn’t. Oh, crap! Now you’ve got me talking like you!”

Sessha has to smile.

“Look, I’ve put my 2 yen in. Leaving would be the worst thing you could do to her, trust me. So, do ya wanna go back home?”

Sano is right. Sessha shouldn’t run from Kaoru-dono. “Yes, Sano.”

Kaoru-dono is waiting for us. “And where have the two of you been?” she asks us. 

“Kenshin had an errand he needed my help with,” Sano says. “Right?”

“Yes, but sessha is done now if you need him.”

“No,” she replies. “I was just curious.”

I look at her. “Could sessha talk to you a moment?”

“Of course,” she replies.

“That’s my cue to leave,” Sano states, and wanders off.

“What is it, Kenshin?” Kaoru asks me. “You look upset.”

“Sessha has seen how /you/ look, especially when you look at him. Sessha knows how you feel about him, he does.”

“You do?” Her cheeks turn red.

“Yes. Sessha sees the love for him in your eyes every day, he does. But sessha cannot return your affection.”

“Might I ask why?” Kami, she’s already fighting tears.

“Sessha is trying to atone for his sins, that he is. You must understand that.”

“You’re not allowing yourself to love?”

“Sessha has loved. And lost. You did not know this, but sessha was married once before. These hands took her life.”

“It couldn’t have been on purpose.”

“No, but it happened just the same. Sessha has known love. That is enough for him.”

“So you won’t give another person a chance because you’re still being haunted by…" She pauses. "What was her name?”

“Tomoe. And… yes.”

“I can see your mind’s made up.”

“Yes. Sessha hopes you find happiness. It just will not be with him.”

“You’re not leaving, are you?”

“No, but sessha had to say this if he were going to stay.”

“As long as you don’t… As long as you don’t… Leave me…” Her words left her and she ran into the house. Sessha took off in the direction he had seen Sano go. Sessha found Sano by a lake near the house.

“You told her.” It was a statement, not a question. Sessha did not need reply.

“She just asked sessha not to leave her. Her heart will heal with time, that it will.”

“I hope so. I really thought you two would be together.”

“It is not meant to be, Sano.”

“Whatever you say, Kenshin. You should know what’s best for yourself.”

“You do not approve of Sessha’s choice.”

“It shouldn’t matter what I think.”

Sessha could feel the anger building within him. He began to speak without realizing he was doing so.

“You don’t understand. Neither of you do. You don’t understand what in my head, or what within my heart, you don’t.” Sessha felt the tears. “I want Tomoe.” Sessha could /feel/ Sano’s head turn.

“Who?” he asked.

“I. Want. My. Wife.” Sano caught my gaze. This calmed sessha. “Sessha never told you, did he? Sessha just told Kaoru-dono too. Her name was Tomoe, and these hands took her away.”

“Kenshin, if you’re worried about hurting Kaoru-“

“No, Sano, that’s not it, that it isn't. Sessha still mourns her. That is not fair to Kaoru-dono. The man who she entrusts her heart to should see her, not a ghost,  that he should.”

      "I suppose you're right."

      "You still don't understand, that you don't."

      "Perhaps not. But my understanding is not important in this matter."

       Sessha stands with his friend in silence. He looks out over the nearby pond, at the setting sun's rays rays making the water shine. "The sun sets everyday," sessha says.

       "It does," Sano agrees.

       "The sun sets, but always arises again. The day starts over, no matter what has happened the day before."

       "Kenshin? You're starting to scare Sanosuke..."

      "But Sano, can't you see? It makes perfect sense, that it does." Sessha runs at full speed back to Kaoru-dono's dojo.

FIN